Most often, a move represents an important step forward for the adults in the family because of a new job, promotion, transfer to a different office, or financial success has allowed them to buy a more comfortable house in a different neighborhood. Moving from one house to another is seldom easy and enjoyable for adults (who chose to move), and can be especially troubling for children (who prefer to stay where they are). But if parents are mindful of their children’s concerns and needs, they can minimize distress and discomfort.
A Move Affects Children and Adults Differently
People typically live in a house for about five years and then move on as their jobs and incomes allow. Five years is a small percentage of an adult’s life, but it’s half the lifetime of a 10-year old: It includes almost all the years he or she can remember. It may be the only home the child’s ever known, and the place s/he feels most safe and comfortable.
A house is much more than a place to live to children. It’s the center of their world, associated with familiar activities, sights, and sounds. A move threatens a child’s security and leaves something unknown in its place. Their friends, and the familiar streets, schools, shops, trees and parks are gone. The new neighborhood is someone else’s world.
The impact of a move on a child starts about the time he or she first hears about it, and often continues until the new house becomes home. It’s not necessary to tell young children about this big change immediately, although they must hear about it from their parents before someone else tells them.
Expect that your children may be even more distressed after the move. The new house will not be comfortable or beautiful the night the moving van leaves, or for months after. The furniture won’t fit the rooms, and the floor will be covered with half-unpacked boxes. The children won’t know anyone at school and, if you move during the summer, they may have little opportunity to meet others their age. They’ll need your help: Plan ahead to support and comfort them and ease the stress of the move.
Easing the Stress of the Move
Young Children Have Special Needs
Describe the move in a truthful, positive way. Tell upbeat stories about the
benefits of the new house and location. Plan together to make the new setting feel like home:
- Ask about their favorite activities (e.g., soccer), and plan to investigate youth programs in the new community.
- Ask what they like best about the present house (e.g., the swimming pool) and assure them that you’ll find a place for them to swim in the new town.
- Ask what they like best about the neighborhood (e.g., their friends), and make plans to invite the children on the block to a Welcome To the Neighborhood Party once you’ve settled in.
- Ask what they like the most about their school (e.g., their teacher), and let them know that you’ll request a tour of their new school and a chance to meet their teacher beforehand.
- Ask what they like most about their community (e.g., the video game parlor), and assure them that those activities will be available in the new location.
- Use children’s literature. Books can help children prepare for and understand difficult situations. Story characters who model successful coping strategies are an excellent resource for children.
- If the new home is too far away for the entire family to visit, show the children pictures of the house, yard, and neighborhood. Videotape it if you can. Include pictures of each child’s new room.
- Ask the children to name the house with an inviting description, like “Oak Hill,” for the big trees and sloping lawn.
• Young children need protection from fear of the unknown. Listen carefully to their concerns and respond quickly to relieve their apprehensions. It’s normal, for instance, for a young child to worry that his or her toy box and shelf of stuffed animals might be left behind. Uncover those anxieties by actively involving your children in the process.
• Don’t just promise to let them decorate their own rooms – take them to the paint store and let them bring home color swatches. Shop together for bedspreads and towels and carpets.
• They must leave old friends behind. Plan a going-away party and let them invite their own guests to bring closure to that parting.
• Take pictures of everyone and make a photo album. If a child is old enough, send him or her out with a roll of film in the camera and the assignment to photograph the scenes he’ll want to remember.
• Give each of them extra screen time so they can keep in touch with people who are important to them.
• Buy a stack of picture postcards that show positive views of your new community and encourage them to write messages to the friends and relatives they left behind.
• Try to pack children’s things last and include them in the packing process.
• Keep security objects such as a favorite teddy bear or blanket close by. Keep your routine as normal as possible. Regular eating and nap times are important.
Encourage children to get outside and get to know the people and the neighborhood. Encourage older children to distribute fliers for babysitting, lawn care, or car washing. Encourage them to participate in school activities that appeal to them. Get them on sports teams and into clubs. Throw a housewarming party for yourselves and invite all the adults and children on the block.
Most teenagers see themselves as adult members of the family, and may feel disrespected if they don’t hear about the move early in the process. Also, they’ll need time to work through the ordeal of leaving their friends.
Ending relationships and saying goodbyes takes time, and is best done before the move. Some relationships will be extremely difficult to bring to an end, and these will require thoughtful, personalized planning. How, for instance, do you move a 17-year-old a thousand miles from her steady boyfriend? Even though teens seem more advanced in their social skills, they may worry a lot about making friends and fitting in. Visit their new school and check out local activities and employment opportunities for young people.
Communities have their own culture and way of doing things, and this is often reflected in the way teens dress. How they look is really important to teens. Before spending money on a new school wardrobe, your teen may want to observe what’s “in.” Purchasing a few new outfits can often help a teen feel more comfortable. It’s particularly important to let teens known that you want to hear about, and respect, their concerns. Blanket assurances may seem to your teen like you’re dismissing his or her feelings. It may help to explain that the move is a type of rehearsal for future changes, like college or a new job.
At any age, get help if emotional problems arise. Ask a teacher for assistance. Consider professional counseling. Don’t let a serious problem slide. Eventually, the strangeness and temporary discomforts should diminish. New friends will become good friends. The new house may become the family gathering place that your grandchildren will visit on holidays. In the long run, everything will work out fine.
This article courtecy off Michael Tudorie
Second conversation I had today with a senior about the issues with housing was about the open concept. This idea grew on me for about 10 years from watching too much HGTV where designer' first go to option was to knock down walls. I started doing the same thing when I was on a tour with a buyer suggesting ‘You take down this wall, not weight bearing’. Client was like “Mike, we are not knocking down any walls”. I realized back than that I need to see things through buyer’s prospective and not follow the ‘so called trends.
So, this article is about why NOT to have open kitchen-dining-living concepts. It does not mean I am against it just a different prospective to consider if making a renovation or looking to move to a new home.
- Open Concept might look good when empty but, not easy to furnish
- Maybe the open kitchen concept brought the idea to have second kitchen known as the Chinese kitchen to hide all the dirty dishes in the sink and keep away all the smell from cooking
- Not sure about you but, I could not relax to watch a movie looking over at my kitchen sink full of dishes (dishwasher is not emptied yet)
- Open concept is not that energy efficient especially if you have 9 ft ceilings
- If you have remodeled any home you know the engineering challenges to have an open kitchen concept. Therefore, some walls are not bad for privacy
- Different spaces are meant for different functions.
- Back to HDTV most common used words “Open Concept” and “Entertaining” I mean c’mon how much entertaining these people are doing? Do people want to have separate conversation which are impossible in the Open Concept? Having guys over for a game; if you do not have man cave, forget about having fun
The conclusion is that everyone has their own style in decorating but, functionality need to be considered for your family needs. Back to the seniors finding suitable accommodations, people like things the way they used to be and change is not always a good thing. The search continues finding suitable accommodation for this client to help them downsize or rightsize.
I welcome comments or a discussion on the topic. Feel free to contact me email@example.com
Thinking of real estate investing in 2019? It's challenging to know where to start and for many people, this makes them hesitant to make a move.
That's why I wrote Investigating Investing, a guide to help beginners learn about property investment. If you're reading this, the first three people to contact me by January 1st will get a free copy!
If you're a potential investor, as a New Year's resolution, resolve to make the jump from thinking to doing. Here's three ways to get you on the right track to property ownership success.
Meet A Realtor
Think this one’s obvious? Think again. Many first-time real estate investors talk to everyone BUT realtors, thinking the real estate agent only needs to be involved towards the end.
But this can be a mistake. A good realtor brings knowledge, insight and networking - if you're buying or selling your most precious asset, the right realtor becomes your second best asset.
Remember, when you hire a realtor, the amount they're paid remains the same, whether you work with them for six days or six months!
But how do you find a good realtor? How do you know a realtor is a good choice?
Interview at least several, and ensure that they've built a team of networked professionals.
A good Vancouver realtor will know experts in areas as diverse as lending, legal and desireable site location. This means you have the resources to make informed decisions right away and the opportunity to plan a successful sale or purchase.
Best of all, realtor’s will come to you and maybe bring coffee too! All you need to do is make that email or call, get comfy and let them do the hard work.
Before you consider real estate investing, you must consider why you want to be an investor.
Is it because it feels like everyone else is doing it? Or perhaps you want an income-generating nest egg for your golden years?
In my guide Investigating Investing, readers are asked to evaluate their reasons for investing. They also think about what kind of investor they'll be and their style of business.
Then there's the challenges of property ownership, from tenant disputes and unforeseen or ignored costs such as maintenace, lawncare or trash collection. Many of these require more than just financial knowledge, but a willingness to provide good service and fair dealing.
Know Your Terms
Getting comfortable with terms such as 'ROI' means you'll experience a higher Return On Investment when researching investing or listening to your realtor or an expert.
Don't hesitate to ask your realtor for an explanation, and make sure they can clarify terms in a manner you understand. This is a great way to tell if your real estate agent communicates well and takes time to educate you.
Contact Michael Tudorie
Remember, the first three people to contact me by January 1st will get a copy of my Investigating Investing guide, chock full of great tips for beginnners.
If you want to chat more about investing, feel free to call me at 604.910.7777!